A Hobbit Sleepover
by Zinka17
Summary: Frodo invites Sam, Pippin and Merry over for a sleepover. They have an awesome time, but a lot of crazy stuff happens. This is a crack fic where the characters are OOC and nothing really makes sense. Read at your own risk.
1. One Bored Hobbit

**A/N: I've been wanting to write a humorous LOTR story for awhile now, so I quickly thought up the plot for this. I read another LOTR fanfic that was about a sleepover at Frodo's, but it was the entire Fellowship. I just wanted to do one with the 4 main hobbits. Other characters will make cameos in later chapters though.**

**Warning: This story is completely and totally CRACK. It doesn't make sense whatsoever because even though they're in medieval times, they have modern day things. Plus, it's set after the 3rd movie ends and characters that shouldn't be there are. If you don't like stupid, random nonsense stories, please leave now. I don't want any flames because I warned you ahead of time. And by the way, this is my very first crack fic so I hope you like it. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Lord of the Rings. They belong to J.R.R. Tolkien.**

* * *

Frodo was extremely bored. It was a beautiful afternoon and he didn't have anything fun to do. Instead, he was doing chores because Bilbo had asked him to. He was washing dishes, and after that he would vacuum. Once he was done though, he intended to do something entertaining.

At the moment, his old uncle Bilbo was away at some party and probably wouldn't be back for hours. Oh how Bilbo loved to get drunk and party. So Frodo decided once he was done with his stupid chores, he would hit up his homies Sam, Pippin and Merry and invite them over to spend the night. They hadn't hung out in awhile and it would be fun.

Frodo got so distracted thinking about all the fun he'd be having later that he didn't realize the plate he had been holding was slipping out of his hands. He tried to stop it from falling, but he was too late. It fell to the floor and shattered into a million pieces.

"Damn it! That was Bilbo's favorite plate. He's gonna be so pissed when he gets home and sees it broken," Frodo cursed. He sighed and started to pick the pieces up, being careful not to cut himself.

* * *

After all the pieces of the broken plate were picked up and the dishes were clean, Frodo went into the hallway closet to get the vacuum. But when he opened the door, he was surprised and disappointed to find that stuff was piled everywhere, burying the vacuum underneath.

"Damn you Bilbo! Now it'll take even longer for me to get started." The angry hobbit took stuff out of the closet and threw it behind him, not caring about the mess he was making. He just needed to get the vacuum out. Once all the crap was finally cleared out, he grabbed the vacuum and rolled it out of the closet, feeling accomplished. Then he noticed all the stuff scattered around on the floor where he needed to vacuum.

"Aaagghh!"

* * *

20 minutes later, all of the stuff had been picked up. Now Frodo could finally vacuum the blasted floor.

"Why doesn't Bilbo ever clean the house? He always makes _me _do it!" Frodo complained as he plugged the vacuum into an outlet in the wall.

He turned the vacuum on and started getting the floor clean. In his frustration, he didn't see the large piece of paper in the way. He accidentally sucked it up and the vacuum got jammed, so it wouldn't suck up anything else.

"Oh crap! Now how am I supposed to vacuum?!" He yelled. "Oh forget it! I'll just put the vacuum away and let Bilbo deal with it when he gets back. He'll probably be too drunk to care anyway."

With that, he rolled the vacuum back over to the hallway closet and stuck it inside, trying not to make anything fall.

Once that was done, he ran to his room and got his cell phone. He eagerly sent a message to Sam, Pippin and Merry that said:

"_Hey guys im hella bored and bilbo isnt here so u wanna spend the night at my place? Please! I have nothing else 2 do. Text me back asap."_

He waited impatiently for 3 minutes until he heard his phone beep. He picked it up and smiled as he saw a reply from Merry.

"_Sure ill b there cuz! I aint got nothin 2 do either. Wat time should i b there?"_

Frodo thought for a minute. He wanted him to come over now, but he wanted to get the place set up first, so he texted back and told Merry to arrive in half an hour. Merry replied with:

"_Ok c ya then."_

Frodo was glad Merry was coming, but he still hadn't heard back from Sam or Pippin. He really hoped they were coming too. He decided to go ahead and start getting the living room set up, as that was where they'd probably be most of the time.

* * *

15 minutes later, Frodo was done, so he went back in his room and checked his phone. He saw a message from Pippin which said:

"_Hey just got ur text. Id love 2 hang out l8er. Who else is coming?"_

Frodo smiled as he texted his younger cousin back.

"_I asked sam and merry but so far only merry said he can come."_

He waited for a couple more minutes before he got another text back from Pippin.

"_Ok well I hope sam shows up. When can i come over?"_

Frodo looked at the time and realized that Merry would be there any minute.

"_Right now. Merry will b here any time now."_

Just then the doorbell rang. Frodo quickly got up and ran to the door to let Merry in.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah I know I left it in a bad spot, but I'll update tomorrow. Starting in the next chapter, things will get really random and funny. At least I hope you think that.**

**Please review!**


	2. Getting the Party Started

**A/N: I said I would update today, didn't I? :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Lord of the Rings. They belong to J.R.R. Tolkien.**

* * *

"Hey Merry!" Frodo exclaimed as he hugged his cousin. "I'm still waiting for Sam to respond, but Pippin is on his way."

"Great! So what are we gonna do while we wait?" Merry asked as he closed the door.

"Wanna watch TV?" Frodo suggested.

"Sure! Cable or a DVD?" Merry asked.

"Cable I guess," Frodo said as he got the remote and turned the TV on. He went to the guide to see what was playing on every channel and scrolled down, looking for something interesting to watch.

"Ooh ooh, stop! Go to Nickelodeon!" Merry said.

"But SpongeBob is on that channel right now! You know I hate that show," Frodo argued as he scrolled past it.

"Oh please Frodo! I really wanna watch it! You invited me and I'm your guest, so you should let me watch what I want," Merry stated.

"I'm sorry Merry, but I will not have that yellow sponge on my TV," Frodo said, losing his patience.

"Pleeaaase?!" Merry begged.

"I said no and that's my final answer!" Frodo yelled, sounding a bit meaner than he meant to.

Merry was surprised at Frodo's sudden anger. He sniffled a bit and covered his face with his hands as he started to sob.

Frodo suddenly felt very guilty. He put his hand on Merry's back and said, "I'm sorry Merry! I didn't mean to make you cry. Do you really wanna watch SpongeBob?"

"Mm hm," Merry said in a sad voice.

Frodo sighed and scrolled back to Nickelodeon, then pressed select. The annoying sound of SpongeBob's laughter soon filled the room. Merry instantly cheered up and ran over to sit on the floor, right in front of the TV.

"I love this episode! It's 'Pranks A Lot'!"

"I have no idea what it's about because I don't watch this show," Frodo responded as he reluctantly sat down on the floor next to Merry to watch the horrid show.

"Oh it's hilarious! SpongeBob and Patrick get this invisible spray and pretend to be ghosts and-"

"Nevermind! I'm sorry I said anything about it. I'll just watch and see what happens. If I must be forced to hear it, I may as well just watch it."

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang.

"Oh, Pippin must be here!" Merry said excitedly, not taking his eyes away from the TV.

"Good! I'll go let him in," Frodo replied as he got up, glad to get a break from the TV for a minute. He opened the door and saw his youngest cousin standing there with a big backpack on his back.

"Hi Pippin! Looks like you brought a bunch of stuff with you!" Frodo stated.

"Yep! I like to come prepared. Plus, I brought things that I thought all of us would enjoy, like some new movies I bought recently."

Frodo gasped in excitement. "Which ones?"

"You'll just have to wait and see!" Pippin teased as he set his stuff down and Frodo closed the door behind him. "Is that SpongeBob I hear?" He asked eagerly.

"Unfortunately yes," Frodo responded gloomily.

Pippin didn't say anything, but instead ran into the living room laughing like a child. He was even happier when he saw Merry.

"Merry!"

"Pippin!"

The two cousins hugged each other, and then they both sat down to watch SpongeBob.

"Hey Frodo, you got any snacks?" Merry asked.

"Yeah. What do you want? I've got some chips or-"

"What kind?" Pippin interrupted.

"Well let me see," Frodo answered back as he walked into the kitchen and opened a cabinet. "There's plain potato chips, barbeque, nacho cheese Doritos or Frito's."

Merry and Pippin whispered amongst themselves for a minute before Merry said, "We'll have some of each, please."

Frodo shook his head and rolled his eyes as he got out a big bowl and poured some of all four types of chips into it. He brought the bowl into the living room and set it down on the floor in front of Pippin and Merry.

"Thank you! And what about drinks?" Pippin asked, looking up at Frodo.

"Why of course Pippin," Frodo said with fake kindness. He went back into the kitchen to find some drinks.

He was starting to get irritated with his cousins. He was glad they were over to keep him company, but they kept making him get everything instead of doing it themselves. And they had taken control of _his _TV, putting on a show that he despised.

He decided he should try and be patient with them though. After all, they were quite a bit younger than he was and he knew they often acted immature. They were definitely kids at heart.

He found some cans of Pepsi in the door of the fridge, so he pulled two of them out and took them to Pippin and Merry.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going in my room for awhile," Frodo declared as he started to walk away.

"You're not going to visit with us? We've just arrived!" Merry said.

"And _you're _the one who invited us over!" Pippin added.

"I'll be out in a little while. I need to try and get ahold of Sam and I'd prefer to do it where it's quiet," Frodo explained.

"Okay then. We'll see you later," Merry replied.

Frodo then walked to his room without another word.

"Hey Merry, do you think Gandalf could make some invisible spray for _us_?"

Merry thought for a minute. "He probably could, but I doubt he'd do that. He'd probably say it'd cause too much trouble. Besides, you know what happens to SpongeBob and Patrick at the end of the episode! Do you want that to happen to us?"

"No. No I don't," Pippin shuddered at the thought.

* * *

Frodo checked his phone as soon as he got in his room. He was relieved when he saw a response from Sam. But his happiness soon turned to sorrow when he read the text.

"_Sry mr frodo but im afraid i wont b able 2 make it. That rude old lady at the other end of the shire wants me 2 completely redo her garden. And u kno proper gardening takes a long time!"_

Frodo sighed in disappointment as he replied to the text.

"_Yes sam i kno. Im sry u wont b joining us tho. O well. Good luck with the gardening."_

Frodo sighed again and slouched back against the pillows on his bed. He was really hoping Sam would show up. He was his best friend and while he was close with Pippin and Merry, (they were his cousins after all) he was still closer to Sam. Especially after all they had been through together.

But he would just have to deal with it. He would have other sleepovers that Sam could go to.

Frodo really didn't want to see or hear SpongeBob, but he'd rather be spending time with someone than being alone and bored, so he went back into the living room and got himself some chips and soda, then joined his cousins on the floor.

"Oh Frodo, you're back!" Merry said happily.

"Yes. Unfortunately, Sam won't be coming over tonight. He has some gardening to do," Frodo explained.

"Ah well, that's his loss. 'Cause we're gonna have so much fun! Aren't we?" Merry announced as he wrapped his arm around Frodo.

"Yes, fun. Just as soon as this show goes off." Frodo muttered that last part.

* * *

**A/N: When I said I'd update today, I didn't think it'd be a few hours after the first chapter was posted. :/ I planned on going to bed awhile ago because I'm extremely tired, but certain circumstances have prevented that from happening. So I thought I might as well do something productive while I'm up.**

**Hope you're enjoying the story! Please review!**


	3. Prank Calls

**A/N: 3rd chapter today! :D But after this it'll probably be awhile before I post another one.**

**Warning: There's inappropriate content in this chapter, but it's all for humor's sake. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Lord of the Rings. They belong to J.R.R. Tolkien.**

* * *

An hour later, SpongeBob had finally stopped airing for the day. Frodo was relieved, but Pippin and Merry were upset. Frodo could tell this though, so he figured he should suggest doing something else fun. Something that _everyone _would enjoy.

"How about we do some prank calls?" Frodo suggested.

Pippin and Merry instantly cheered up. "Yeah!" They both said in unison.

"Great! So should we try a random number first or prank people we know?" Frodo asked.

"Hm..." Pippin thought for a minute. "How about we call Gimli first?"

"Okay," Frodo agreed. He got out his cell phone and *67, then Gimli's number and put it on speaker. It rang a few times before Gimli answered.

Frodo made his voice as deep sounding as he could and said, "Is this Gimli the dwarf?"

"Yes. Who is this?" Gimli asked.

"This is Fred Baker. I'm calling about the order you placed for the condoms."

Pippin and Merry were trying to stifle their giggling.

"Condoms?! What madness is this?! I ordered no such thing!" Gimli yelled.

"Oh but you did! It shows right here on my computer that Gimli son of Gloin ordered a box of 500 condoms. Anyway, I just wanted to inform you that they will be arriving late. They were supposed to be shipped today, but now they won't be there for another week. Unfortunately for you, that means you also have to pay a $200 waiting fee on top of everything else," Frodo said, trying his hardest not to laugh.

"This is outrageous! I didn't order any condoms! Who do you work for?!" Gimli demanded.

"You already know my business' name as you ordered the condoms from us! My manager says you're a regular customer," Frodo lied.

"Well Fred Baker, tell your manager that he can go screw himself! And don't call me again!" And with that, Gimli hung up.

Frodo, Pippin and Merry bursted out laughing. Pippin was laughing so hard that he collapsed on the floor and rolled around, holding his sides. When he finally recovered, he got back up and took the phone from Frodo.

"My turn! I wanna call Denethor next. I hate him!" Pippin said as he dialed the number, making sure to put the *67 before it.

"Yeah, he's a jerk!" Merry agreed. "Even though I've never met him, from what you've told me about him he's a maniac! He even had the nerve to eat in front of you and make you sing without offering you any food!"

Pippin nodded but then put a finger to his lips to signal to Merry to be quiet, as Denethor would be picking the phone up at any minute.

"Hello?" Denethor answered.

Pippin decided to disguise his voice by using a high pitched British accent. "Is this Denethor, Steward of Gondor?"

Denethor flinched at this title. "I may only be a steward but the rule of Gondor is still mine!" He shouted. "And who is this?"

"This is Pete Tameron. I've called to tell you that your eldest son has died."

Denethor said nothing for a minute and just sat there is shock.

"Sir? Are you there?" Pippin asked.

"H-how did he die this time?" Denethor asked.

"He's died before?" Pippin asked even though he already knew that, as he had witnessed it himself.

"Yes. He was pierced by three arrows," Denethor explained.

"Oh, well his body was found outside of a bar this morning. He had a broken beer bottle laying next to him and his neck was bleeding. We believe that he got drunk and stabbed himself with the broken glass," Pippin said, trying to sound as serious as he could.

Denethor gasped as he heard this. He could not believe that his favorite son had died a second time. But just then, the door opened and in walked Boromir, alive and completely unharmed.

"My son! You're alive!" Denethor ran over to him and hugged him.

"Of course I'm alive Father! Why would you think otherwise?" Boromir asked confusedly.

Denethor just frowned and yelled into the phone. "YOU LYING SON OF A-"

And then Pippin hung up. "Well, that was bad timing," he said now using his normal Scottish accent. "Okay Merry, you're next."

"Oh boy! Who should I call?" Merry asked aloud.

Frodo's face suddenly lit up as an idea popped in his head. "Aragorn! Call Aragorn! I know exactly what you can tell him!"

"What?" Merry asked. Frodo whispered in his ear and Merry smiled.

"What is it?" Pippin asked.

"You'll see," Merry replied as he dialed the number. He didn't restrict it though as Frodo told him to use his real name. He wanted Aragorn to know who it was.

Merry put the phone on speaker and waited for Aragorn to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi Aragorn! How are you?" Merry greeted.

"I'm fine Merry but I'm in the middle of something at the moment," Aragorn responded as he looked at Arwen, who smiled and winked at him as she lay naked under the covers of the bed.

"Oh, I just had something important to tell you," Merry said.

"Well what is it?" Aragorn asked impatiently, ready to get back to his previous activity.

"Legolas loves you!" Merry blurted out.

Aragorn chuckled before saying, "What?"

"It's true! I was talking to him yesterday. He was a bit drunk and he said that he's always fancied you, but he was too afraid to admit it. Besides, he knows you're not gay," Merry explained.

Aragorn was shocked. He didn't know what to say. He looked over at Arwen who was just as surprised as he was. "Well I- I don't know what to say. I guess I shall have a talk with Legolas when I see him again."

"Okay, but can you do me a favor?"

"What's that Merry?" Aragorn inquired.

"Could you not mention that it was _me_ who told you? I don't want him to get angry with me," Merry stated.

"Of course Merry. Not a word about it. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go." Aragorn then hung up the phone.

The three hobbits started laughing again.

"Oh how I wish I could see Legolas' reaction when Aragorn confronts him!" Pippin declared.

"Yeah, he's not even gay and he'll be horrified when he finds out that Aragorn thinks different!" Frodo added.

"Prank calling is so much fun!" Merry announced.

The three of them continued prank calling people for another hour when suddenly the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Frodo ran to the door and opened it to reveal someone he did not expect.

* * *

**A/N: Cliffhanger! I know, I'm evil. :D I don't know when I'll be able to update again, but hopefully it won't be too long.**

**As always, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and please review!**


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